I think I died a long time ago.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
