I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
