i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
