Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
