I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
