I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
worst night to have a conscience
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
