just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
