wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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