Can Purell be used as lube?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
