evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
