i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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