So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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