I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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