My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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