I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
