Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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