Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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