She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
