the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
