sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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