What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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