New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
