nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
