I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
