Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
