So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
