im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
