went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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