Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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