u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
