I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
