He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize