That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
