I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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