then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
