Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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