I feel great
I just peed on a car
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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