i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
