So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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