I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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