so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
