I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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