dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She bit a glass in half.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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