Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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