chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can I color on your dick again?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
