Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize