i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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