He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize