um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
