They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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