69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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