She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
