last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
