She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
