Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
