batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
