you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
