Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
