hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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