Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
