Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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