yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
