I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
