Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
