My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
