I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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