So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
this is an emotional support booty call
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
