fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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