Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
