I just cut my nipple shaving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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