fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
