Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
