you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
