Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize