I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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