So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize